Announcements

A Campus By Any Other Name…

RALEIGH, NC – NC State University Officials announced today that they would officially change the name of Centennial Campus to “That Other Campus”

“After pulling together a blue ribbon panel that created a exploratory subcommittee that hired an outside consultant that specializes in the names of people, places, and things, we have the utmost of confidence that we can successfully work together on the new name” said George Worsley, former Vice Chancellor for Finance and Business at NC State and director of the commission, “the new name reflects the historicity of our main campus, which houses the complex named after me, and our consultants felt that a name like ‘Centennial’ reflected only unique events, that only occur every so often. We want That Other Campus to reflect a vibrant, constantly eventing location.”

“Besides, no one can spell ‘Centennial’”

The announcement took some by surprise. An unnamed Centennial, er, That Other Campus, official told someone that told this writer: “I really don’t understand this, I wasn’t consulted, my office wasn’t consulted, and now I have to change my business cards, this is such a mess. I can spell Centennial just fine – look it’s in my spell check – right beside centimeter”

Costs of the conversion were not available. But NCSU Central Stores has reportedly ordered a lot of Sharpies.

In unrelated news, NC State University officials announced that Chancellor James L. Oblinger was officially changing his name to his oft-referred moniker: “J-LO”

In completely unrelated news, University of California – San Diego officials announced that Chancellor Marye Anne Fox was changing her name to “Pookie”


University to Be Removed From Internet

RALEIGH NC – NC State University announced today that they were cutting the cable to the Internet

In a press release, completed in crayon, officials complained vehemently that “the Internet kept touching them” and “Nyah-Nyah Boo-boo, I’m rubber and the Internet is Glue.” This writer was unable to determine the signatory of the press release.

“I don’t understand. No one told us anything. I keep writing and writing and writing about communication. You would think that someone would have told us. No one tells us anything.”, Jason Young, systems manager for the College of Engineering, “I think I have to write a long email about this” When asked if he had actually asked anyone about this, Mr. Young replied “What?!? Are you kidding?!? They are supposed to read my mind.”

Campus networking officials would neither confirm or deny the report. Campus mail officials did comment that they were taking down the email list server for “emergency maintenance – and before that Jason Young fellow gets a chance to write anything”


They Are Cows. And They Talk

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Bessie and Maude, SpokesCows

RALEIGH NC – NC State University announced today that Bessie and Maude, two exceptional stock heifers, will be the keynote speakers at this year’s first annual Mr. Ed Tech 2005.

While similarly named to NC State University’s annual showcase of Learning and Technology, EDTECH – show organizers insist that they are totally different beasts.

“While we have made tremendous strides in the last 50 years with computing and technology – truly transformational technologies in how we humans communicate – how far have we really gotten with our mammalian friends?”, Dr. Wilbur Wood, conference co-chair, says, “Have we progressed any since Mr. Ed? I think we’ll find that a barnyard divide still looms over us all. Besides, there’s no EDTECH this year, and we were able to reserve McKimmon Center cheaply”

Bessie gave this writer an exclusive peek inside the theme of her keynote. “Mr. Ed opened a lot of doors for us. No one thought that you could talk to a horse, but of course Mr. Ed changed that. There are still many stereotypes to address, even our langauage needs to be examined – ‘bullmalarkey?’ – ‘bullheaded?’ I say MANPOO! We have to work on these words that hold an entire domestic large animal population back. And those Chic-Fil-A commercials? Please! We can spell just fine – but it’s not all negative, and we are here to prove that.” Maude added “And Mr. Ed did so many great things for our kind – and he was only one horse. What about two cows? What about when those two cows tell two more cows. Why it’s a movement and it’s a hoof, er, a foot”

Mr. Ed Tech 2005 is set for September 1 at the NC State McKimmon Center. Reception to follow at Aunt Ethel’s Farm.


Campus Linux Services Reorganized

RALEIGH NC – NC State Linux Administrators today announced that they were changing their focus from Linux to Windows

“We have really had a tough time with this whole RedHat Enterprise Linux License” said one Campus Linux Services official, “When UNC-GA didn’t pay the bill, and we couldn’t get updates to the Realm Linux and other RHEL boxen – it really through us for a loop. I was all ready for some Gnome widget update goodness – and it just broke. I think I need a new GLIBC or something.”

“I don’t understand. No one told us anything. I keep writing and writing and writing about communication. You would think that someone would have told us. No one tells us anything. Not that I’m really affected, because I’m running Mac OS X”, Jason Young, systems manager for the College of Engineering, “I think I have to write a long email about this. Did I say I was running Mac OS X”

Campus Linux officials said that they were shifting to Windows, because “It’s not like the Windows Updates do anything.”